tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post1587595630873609844..comments2024-03-16T00:21:43.240+00:00Comments on Separated by a Common Language: introducing yourselflynneguisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10171345732985610861noreply@blogger.comBlogger66125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-84033362058243011832020-08-24T11:08:03.588+01:002020-08-24T11:08:03.588+01:00BrE (Scot, 60+). Interesting comment further up ab...BrE (Scot, 60+). Interesting comment further up about men referring to each other as “Bloggs” for most of their lives unless they were close acquaintances. In my culture, ‘‘tis would be regarded as rude to the point of being deliberately provocative it sounds too much like the way his lordship talks to the servants. Where professional hierarchies require a degree of formality, I would expect “Mr Bloggs” to use my first name.<br /> In professional circles, “networking” has become a corporate must, to the point where people now seem to collect names the way small boys used to collect car registration numbers. Does simply knowing someone’s name (and remembering it) really constitute building a professionally EFFECTIVE network. I’m afraid I’m an “awkward” Scot, and tend to extend this “only effective networks” approach into my social interactions. Despite this, believe it or not, I’ve never really been sort of friends (or girlfriends for that matter, when I was young and single).Shy-replyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01891566073375322808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-37250357141554304032017-02-18T09:49:54.686+00:002017-02-18T09:49:54.686+00:00I bought a Starbucks coffee yesterday for the fir...I bought a Starbucks coffee yesterday for the first time in many, many years - ever since I discovered that Costa make coffee that tastes like coffee (I was at a motorway service station and had no choice). I was asked "Name for the cup?" and replied "No," which was duly written on my cup. This reminded me both of Dad's Army's "Vat iss your name?" "Don't tell him, Pike!" and of this post. How thoroughly American of Starbucks to so casually invade my privacy and expect me to give my name to any stranger who asks! Maybe next time (if there ever is one) I will reply "Chuck from Alabama". Someone in Starbucks' management should be directed to this post or Kate Fox's book.KeithDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10451059429340892054noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-75400795679627462862017-01-23T13:17:22.254+00:002017-01-23T13:17:22.254+00:00I would like to add a BrE twist from my experience...I would like to add a BrE twist from my experience. For years I have attended the same dentist. At the outset he naturally called me 'Mister Donovan', and I called him nothing. Everybody around him, and the rest of my family, call him by his first name. Many years later, I still call him nothing because the disparity between first and last name is too great, and it's far too late for me to be comfortable saying 'Call me Keith'. However his new hygienist and receptionist both called me 'Keith' the first time they spoke to me - 'Hi Keith. My name's Fran' - as though I'd started the interaction.KeithDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10451059429340892054noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-52838176936572589232016-07-19T16:43:26.637+01:002016-07-19T16:43:26.637+01:00Recently I (English) shared a cabin on the overnig...Recently I (English) shared a cabin on the overnight ferry from Lerwick to Aberdeen with a very talkative Shetland lady. She told me quite a lot of her life story, but never mentioned her name or asked mine!Kate Buntinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17223976536411967222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-50005934454496026122015-05-25T21:27:23.840+01:002015-05-25T21:27:23.840+01:00Wow this explains why now and then I've been g...Wow this explains why now and then I've been getting some bizarre stares whenever I mention my name and ask their names in return! I am an international student living in the UK but I never noticed such thing until recently, how clueless.. Thanks for the post!Dwendranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-5883777064414868312015-05-04T23:24:59.371+01:002015-05-04T23:24:59.371+01:00There is nothing so formal in the UK. On the first...There is nothing so formal in the UK. On the first day of a class at university, the teacher would usually introduce themselves and they may (if it is a small class) ask for everyone to go around the room and say their names. But not necessarily. There will be ways of introducing at school, too, (my 7-year-old had to bring a box of three things that are important to her so that she could introduce herself with them). <br /><br />But formal settings like this are very different from everyday interaction. In these everyone has a role. Name tags might be used. In meetings, we often go round and introduce our names and our roles (if there is anyone in the meeting who wouldn't already know everyone). In everyday interactions, when we are strangers, we don't have assigned roles, and so there is where the two countries go different ways. lynneguisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10171345732985610861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-85319048124224492402015-05-03T12:40:55.307+01:002015-05-03T12:40:55.307+01:00If Brits are always like this, would it means that...If Brits are always like this, would it means that they don't have any self-introduction periods like we do in Malaysia (and other countries in the world)?<br /><br /># What I meant by "self-introduction periods" is the period of time when every students and teachers or staffs are introducing themselves (especially names) in class, usually on the first class of the year/semester but sometimes repeated in different classes, regardless primary, secondary or tertiary education level. Some others do not do it on every year/semester, but only do it on new students' orientation day where all students, teachers and staffs are gathered together which is of course on the first year/semester.<br /><br />The Japanese have this kind of thing too, they call it "jikoshoukai" (自己紹介) though they will usually (or mostly) introduce themselves in Japanese. (I'm learning Japanese, so I know a little bit about them)MuhdNurHidayat.comhttp://www.muhdnurhidayat.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-14912643364884636432014-04-23T01:53:34.164+01:002014-04-23T01:53:34.164+01:00Massachusetts age 25-
Let me first suggest a diff...Massachusetts age 25-<br /><br />Let me first suggest a difference in terminology. It's not that Finns are anti-conversationalists, it's conversive people who are anti-silence!<br /><br />It frustrates me to no end to hear so many people describe so many silences as awkward! I consider silence the default, to be interrupted only bu necessity.<br /><br />I second HarelquiNQB in the pragmatics of non introductions. I don't find names to be too personal, in fact I find them so impersonal as to be irrelevant. I feel no need to use a person's name in conversation with that person. It is only afterwards, in conversing with someone else, that I might wish for a name to refer to the previous person. <br /><br />It doesn't help that modern names tend to be poor descriptors. Very few Smiths actually work with metal, and it may be centuries since any of Mr. Scot's ancestors actually lived in Scotland.<br /><br />Perhaps I've been spoiled by books. Not once has Mr. Twain or Dr. Seusss ever asked me for my name, and I hear tell they were not quite open with theirs either.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02138260302522477243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-91898329182383607102012-10-18T16:04:23.786+01:002012-10-18T16:04:23.786+01:00I have to admit that I am nosy. I usually know (or...I have to admit that I am nosy. I usually know (or try to find out) everyones name and/or who they are, in my vicinity, even if I never have any interaction with them.Mindynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-33422227879737666832012-10-18T15:52:42.718+01:002012-10-18T15:52:42.718+01:00As an American it would feel strange to have a con...As an American it would feel strange to have a conversation with someone without knowing what to call them.....Does this imply that we OVER use someones name when talking to them? Mindynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-1578120580601981342012-10-17T09:45:18.995+01:002012-10-17T09:45:18.995+01:00Interesting post! I think the Irish word would be ...Interesting post! I think the Irish word would be "grand", as in "grand party". Also appreciate your footnote on the disinclination of Finns to state the obvious (yes, very anti-conversationalist) but would have been keen on more side-views onto other European cultures/languages - German would have been particularly salient in this context,in my opinion.Margit https://www.blogger.com/profile/17830126186468062827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-8921173454806640692012-10-16T10:14:37.544+01:002012-10-16T10:14:37.544+01:00Of course, it does mean that you are known by some...Of course, it does mean that you are known by some tag or other - Lynne, I am sure, is "Grover's Mummy" to a certain section of the population of Brighton, and will know her peers in the school playground as "Arthur's Mummy" or "Phoebe's Gran".<br /><br />That's how I got my blog name, incidentally - when I started learning to ice skate I bought red boot-covers both to protect my skates and also so that people would think of me as "The woman with the red boot covers" rather than "That fat woman who can't skate".Mrs Redboots (Annabel Smyth)https://www.blogger.com/profile/11270027663691257254noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-18340839250860552142012-07-25T00:48:35.570+01:002012-07-25T00:48:35.570+01:00Fascinating! I never realised there was a differe...Fascinating! I never realised there was a different norm for whether or not to introduce oneself between Britain and America.<br /><br />As someone who can never remember names, now I wish I lived in Britain! haha.Geckohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01723659901509670594noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-10540270228437635172012-07-13T00:49:47.516+01:002012-07-13T00:49:47.516+01:00just passing thru... (from Worcestershire way) and...just passing thru... (from Worcestershire way) and thinking this deserves a contrasting comment. <br /><br />The descriptions of awkwardness over names doesn't resonate with me. The last time I was at a social gathering among people that I didn't know (today after lunch), there was a general round of introductions at the outset, and a couple of points at which one or more of us (me included) asked for a repetition of someone's name. There was also a bit of banter about different people's names. All very good-humoured. <br /><br />Similarly, the last time I was at a semi-formal (community group) meeting (yesterday evening), we went through the usual round of 'who are you and what do you do', which a couple of people extended somewhat with personal biography. Strictly speaking, the health matter that led to someone's involvement in the group is a bit of incidental information. But it's well-received so long as it pertains directly.<br /><br />Then there are the examples of people being considerably more inquisitive on first meeting - possibly because there's a common milieu, like being a dog-walker, beachcomber, or so on. <br /><br />So my impression is that people are curious, forthright, forthcoming, and good-humoured. Not always, but generally so. <br /><br />I'm going to guess that there are some other manneristic/stylistic differences that rub some of us up the wrong way; limits to how open we expect others to be. I'm going to take a blind stab at it and guess that the line between friendliness and nosiness is set by how genuine the interest seems.<br /><br />Sometimes a mutual interest is obvious, and a conversation ensues. (Today's conversation centred on heritage apples.) But I'd be offended if Chuck from Maryland announced himself and his interest in apples before having a bit more courtly interaction - including body language. <br /><br />Isn't it that way everywhere?Worcester Pomainnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-75153453511702673682012-07-10T22:59:00.199+01:002012-07-10T22:59:00.199+01:00I'd given up hope on ever seeing new posts! D...I'd given up hope on ever seeing new posts! Dru, about keeping strangers at arm's length, I'll second what PW said (I'm from the midwest) - there's no reason to, usually. If the person trying to talk to you is off somehow (mentally unstable, coming on too strong, trying to sell you something) then you say ok and unh-huh a lot, or give the barest minimum of reply to their questions, until they go away.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-66296415976056087452012-06-23T12:44:49.223+01:002012-06-23T12:44:49.223+01:00Terry Collmann
One place where British people DO ...Terry Collmann<br /><br /><i>One place where British people DO say hello to complete strangers, incidentally: if out walking ... and someone else is coming the other way.</i><br /><br />True, but we don't introduce ourselves.David Crosbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01858358459416955921noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-37286471045441205852012-06-22T16:42:07.991+01:002012-06-22T16:42:07.991+01:00I (British, aged 60) am part of a group that inter...I (British, aged 60) am part of a group that interacts widely through blogs, Twitter and the like but meets face-to-face in large numbers only very rarely, and at specially planned events. If I see someone I know I've communicated with via email or whatever, and I recognise them, but feel sure they won't recognise me, then I will go up to them and say: "Hi - I'm ...". That, I feel, is likely to happen with greater frequency and may break down British dislike of the "Hi, I'm ..." approach.<br /><br />One place where British people DO say hello to complete strangers, incidentally: if out walking along a country footpath, in field, on moor or mountain, ar through wood, and someone else is coming the other way.Terry Collmannnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-42976817855505317662012-06-21T20:18:04.135+01:002012-06-21T20:18:04.135+01:00It seems that the British attach more significance...It seems that the British attach more significance to names and smalltalk than Americans do (I'm Midwestern American). Smalltalk with strangers doesn't obligate me to be friends with them, I probably will forget whatever they told me within 10 minutes of leaving the conversation unless it is relevant or striking, it's just a way to be polite and friendly while passing time. In fact if I met the same stranger again in a day or so, and they remembered everything I said including my name, I would find it weird.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-16699908371524525192012-06-20T22:08:09.008+01:002012-06-20T22:08:09.008+01:00It occurs to me that the British method is somewha...It occurs to me that the British method is somewhat more pragmatic. After all, the last thing you need to know to discover whether you have anything in common with someone, or whether you ever want to speak to them again is their name or where they're from.<br /><br />Do they have kids? do they like the song that's playing? Did they see the Match last weekend? They're wearing blue, do they like blue? Do they work somewhere you're familiar with (and might have other acquaintances)? <br /><br />These things are important to discovering whether you like someone, while their name, up until such time that you might wish to stay in contact, is pretty much irrelevant.<br /><br />Plus. to me (Brit in America ~10 years) having someone's name requires certain things of you, such as remembering it through the rest of the prattle. Get a name at the end and you're much more likely to remember, and much more likely to know that you *want to remember it.<br /><br />That said it did make meeting girls terribly difficult when I was younger, because I could never think of anything to say to start a conversation that didn't make me look like a geek or an idiot :)HarlequiNQBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14628673686836043178noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-25722303932548128912012-06-19T12:33:50.406+01:002012-06-19T12:33:50.406+01:00At various times in my life I've spent up to 5...At various times in my life I've spent up to 5 hours per day commuting (by train) from the Midlands to London. The camaradarie engendered by this long-distance commute was generally not punctuated by exchange of names. We knew fairly intimate details of one another's lives and quite often we did not know each other's names.<br /><br />It is interesting that at some point in each of my periods of commuting the log-jam of anonymousness was at some point broken by a single, more gregarious individual breaking down the barriers and simply forcing us to introduce ourselves by pointing out the ridiculousness of continued anonymity.<br /><br />So to Roger, Jerry and Moira (three such individuals at different times) I offer my thanks for bringing us out of our shells. (I'm still reaping the benefit of acquaintceships made with the train-workers at these times.)<br /><br />It's a strange when you find yourself in this situation, you have extended conversations and I think the problem is that the longer it goes on the more it becomes embarrassing (at some level) to admit that you aren't aware of each other's names. Though in my case it's as much to do with that fact that I'm frightened that I may have been told it at some point and simply forgotten it.Roy Trubshawnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-63296100265979417802012-06-18T16:08:18.694+01:002012-06-18T16:08:18.694+01:00There are regional variations in the USA, too. New...There are regional variations in the USA, too. New Englanders (particularly Vermont, New Hampshire & Maine) are not as prone to glad hand strangers and force an introduction. Part of its the culture of a cold climate: we respect space and boundaries more. <br /><br />That said, there are historical reasons for the more dominant American pattern: the cultural importance of the Quaker culture of Pennsylvania* in modulating the culture of Middle America, and the cultural inheritance of rough Ulstermen and Scots in settling Appalachia and regions heavily influenced by their descendants. Then you need to mix in the role of indigenous and African peoples, too, creating a more heterogenous society that made identifying yourself and others more necessary.<br /><br />* For example, William Penn referred to James, Duke of York (later, James II) by his Christian name, and Charles II once removed his own hat when William Penn refused to do so (because of Quaker rejection of hat etiquette) in order to honor the convention that only one person remain hatted while in conversation.Percynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-44206194622589666282012-06-17T16:53:02.514+01:002012-06-17T16:53:02.514+01:00I vividly remember attending a small conference in...I vividly remember attending a small conference in London a few years ago and being mildly annoyed that no one was wearing name tags. I suspect this is part of the same phenomenon.<br /><br />What's particularly sad is that I found out later there were people there I would love to have met -- but because no one was wearing name tags, I didn't know at the time who they were.<br /><br />I have to admit, I spent six months abroad as a teenager: at the beginning we all tried really hard NOT to be the rude, brash American, and I think we succeeded pretty well, but it taught us just HOW American we really were.Chris Laninghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07574568785133002628noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-76485940063690173552012-06-17T11:33:27.527+01:002012-06-17T11:33:27.527+01:00John Burgess
My usual mindset is that nobody has ...John Burgess<br /><br />My usual mindset is that nobody has any bona fides to be in attendance — least of all me.David Crosbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01858358459416955921noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-9480550260756119862012-06-17T03:06:28.879+01:002012-06-17T03:06:28.879+01:00:: Before establishing who somebody is, I prefer t...:: Before establishing who somebody is, I prefer to see how they fit in the gathering. 'How do you know [name of host?' 'What's your connection with [reason for gathering]?' ::<br /><br />David: As an opening gambit, I'd find this off-putting to the point of rudeness. I'd interpret the question as being asked to provide my bona fides to be in attendance. <br /><br />If it arose 'naturally' during a conversation, then maybe fine, but too close to impolite.John Burgesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11979918255430186425noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-14064374590631772412012-06-17T00:58:16.808+01:002012-06-17T00:58:16.808+01:00@Peter, in my experience as an AmE speaker, there ...@Peter, in my experience as an AmE speaker, there seem to be a fair number of people who use "How are you?" or "What's up?" as a greeting, at least in my age bracket (low 20s). It is usually in response to a "Hi", and it is frequent enough, but not so frequent, that I find it very difficult to decide whether to respond to the question or not. I suppose the choice is more obvious when one is running, and there isn't really opportunity to stop and have a conversation. However, you can usually tell pretty immediately when you have made the wrong choice, either in the hesitation made when the person decides whether to continue to pursue the conversation you bypassed, or in the awkwardness in being sucked into a conversation they didn't intend.Clarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11352705035389260529noreply@blogger.com