tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post6111793566066647402..comments2024-03-16T00:21:43.240+00:00Comments on Separated by a Common Language: compliments, nice and lovelylynneguisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10171345732985610861noreply@blogger.comBlogger77125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-44238310978204065152023-07-19T16:41:49.685+01:002023-07-19T16:41:49.685+01:00JohnB, it's not "social insecurity" ...JohnB, it's not "social insecurity" but, rather, two americans needs to double-check AT LEAST 10-20 times in RAPID SUCCESSION whether these two until-minutes-ago strangers can now trust each other to protect each's respective back in the gunfight which will surely break out later at the wild-west saloon later.<br /><br />In other words, Americans have almost zero a priori connections to each other and there almost never interpersonal context..... most of the time you are meeting complete strangers and then are IMMEDIATELY expected to work with them AS A TEAM to make money/whatever-real-world-serious -activity-you-want-to-use-as-an-example (e.g. gunfights).<br /><br />I don't have time to revise this and that was stream of conscious, apologies --<br /><br />But you see what I'm trying to say.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-34302357908505697762023-07-13T00:54:01.237+01:002023-07-13T00:54:01.237+01:00Downplaying received complements is also a very Ja...Downplaying received complements is also a very Japanese thing, for similar politeness reasons. I've heard it's what you're supposed to do in Japan, and I've seen it come up in Japanese-related media (whether *from* Japan, or *about* Japan - specifically *living in* Japan).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-69108037922438478252020-08-06T16:56:14.854+01:002020-08-06T16:56:14.854+01:00BrE (Scot, late 60s). Regarding giving/receiving c...BrE (Scot, late 60s). Regarding giving/receiving compliments, I empathise with those who describe themselves as introverts. I liked a Wikipedia article on this subject, which had changed last time I looked. To paraphrase: “Statistically, we would expect about half of us to be introverts. But we live in a culture that sees introversion as something to be cured, or at least trained out of us.”<br /><br />I’m not sure how many of the cultural stereotypes re British reserve are still applicable. The tv programme “The Apprentice” was a big hit on both sides of the Atlantic, and did Donald Trump no harm. Yet I’ve recently read a magazine article (Radio Times?) that said it was nearly impossible to sell the programme format to European broadcasters. In Scandinavian countries in particular, the programme’s presentation of OTT self-promotion is retarded as “just not done”.Shy-replyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01891566073375322808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-262631318332988382017-01-23T14:46:57.969+00:002017-01-23T14:46:57.969+00:00London, male, age 72, introvert (but not by Julia&...London, male, age 72, introvert (but not by Julia's definition).<br /><br />Oh how Albert's analysis chimes with me! Great analysis, Albert! My comments are from an introvert perspective rather than a BrE one, but with luck will still be relevant to the theme.<br /><br />One thing I've not seen mentioned is the extent to which a compliment is deserved. I've been complimented at work and refused the compliment because I was doing my job, no more, and did not feel that I'd earned the compliment. So: 'Thanks for saying so, but really I don't deserve it'. And of course, unfortunately for all the extroverts around me, I only ever think of genuinely complimenting someone when I feel they deserve it - by MY standards. ('Genuinely' because, now I know how such things work with extroverts, I will occasionally give an exaggerated compliment to boost someone's self-confidence or restore flagging interest and so on).<br /><br />This is the main problem I see with many NAm compliments: not so much that they're insincerely hypocritical, or that they have an ulterior motivation (superficially to make me feel good but fundamentally to bond socially), or are OTT, but that they are conjured out of thin air rather than being a spontaneous reaction to something that genuinely merits a compliment. A bit like the certificate every primary school child has to bring home once every term, praising some aspect of behaviour or achievement ('For trying REALLY hard to be quiet in assembly') simply because bestowing praise is an objective to be met so we may as well try some behaviour modification at the same time, not (or at least not simply) because it's merited. (Given this post and comments, is this practice (orig.NAm)?)<br /><br />'Nice tie, Keith!' 'Thanks.' ('But what was wrong with the other ties I've worn this week? And is my shirt that shabby?') This kind of internal dialogue is what I always have in mind when complimenting someone else - if I compliment them now / on that thing, does that imply I'm simultaneously deprecating them at other times / for other things?<br /><br />That said, having worked out the role of compliments in an extrovert society, I do occasionally pay complete strangers a compliment if I feel they deserve it (then immediately turn away, so no buttering up) because I know that in most cases it will give them a lift, and I'm now at an age where it is unlikely that they'll think I'm trying to chat them up.<br /><br />It's awkward being an introvert in a society where most people are extroverts. Took me many years to create a persona that allowed me to 'pass'. Here, I feel relatively comfortable. Lynne describes aspects of herself that could be introvert characteristics, as do many of the commenters.<br /><br />Highly enjoyable and instructive blog, Lynne.KeithDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10451059429340892054noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-52570252389276393902016-09-14T02:55:47.447+01:002016-09-14T02:55:47.447+01:00Funny. To my American ears, I think "nice&quo...Funny. To my American ears, I think "nice" and "brilliant" as only applicable to people. But instead you get "A nice cup of tea" and "A brilliant evening." And the "lovely" crap sounds really over done. "A lovely pub." Sure. So who's really over-doing it with fake flattery?? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-74203083845682549882016-05-31T10:20:00.146+01:002016-05-31T10:20:00.146+01:00I grew up in Australia, at a time when the backhan...I grew up in Australia, at a time when the backhanded compliment was the only compliment. When I started working in the US, I spent the first few months waiting for the zinger...<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-75570366633449000042015-04-12T21:17:00.349+01:002015-04-12T21:17:00.349+01:00I agree that personality can play a bigger role in...I agree that personality can play a bigger role in choosing a politeness strategy than culture, and even that there may be more variation within a culture than cross-culturally as a result of this, but only because I'm bicultural and have mental health issues so I would agree with that! This is a very interesting notion and one that I will now have to explore properly (damn! More learning!)<br />This is pure introspection now, but who knows? It may turn out to be intetresting. My mental health has played a big role in my ability to calculate the degree of imposition which B and L say is key to working out the relative weight/degree of the politeness strategy required to maintain both the speaker's and hearer's face. (Distance and power are fairly obvious but because of my slightly skewed theory of mind, imposoition is less so.) The results are mixed and the full effects are blissfully a mystery to me.<br />I would also say that introverts will use more negative politeness strategies and show more consideration for others' negative face than than positive: this is basically the definition of an introvert to me! Someone who would not like to impose on others or feel like their actions are being impeded by others. I was literally thinking about this in the bathroom the other day! There seems to be as much variation with speech act realisation and politeness strategies as there is with dialect, and the former's not regional, it varies with the temperament of the individual I think.Julia Krzyzanowskanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-78526166069798112112015-04-12T20:50:35.729+01:002015-04-12T20:50:35.729+01:00Hello LOVE the blog (a bit too much) sorry if some...Hello LOVE the blog (a bit too much) sorry if someone's mentioned it before but I've been reading various parts of the blog for over 8 hours with no break now and my eyes are starting to water so I just wanted to spit it out while it still feels relevant at the risk of repetition. I will, however, employ some redressive action to mitigate this on record FTA (and thus flout the quantity maxim). <br />Sorry that this is nothing to do with politeness and, again, really really sorry if it's been mentioned elsewhere but it popped into my head when I was reading the post. The etymology of 'nice' is fascinating: it's a 12C borrowing from Old French meaning 'clumsy, careless, weak, needy, simple, stupid' which was in turn a borrowing from Latin 'nescius' which literally meant 'not knowing'! Its meaning has obviously undergone a very lengthy process of amelioration and then a little bit of 'bleaching' (I dont think it's broadened in meaning, just slightly faded) but it's a very fun choice of word because of all this. It carries about as much meaning as a discourse marker. Lol. <br />http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?allowed_in_frame=0&search=nice&searchmode=noneJulia Krzyzanowskanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-7571920674564302782014-04-12T05:21:43.073+01:002014-04-12T05:21:43.073+01:00Massachusetts, male, age 25, introvert-
Foreword:...Massachusetts, male, age 25, introvert-<br /><br /><i>Foreword: I apologize for the novel this comment turned into. The post and the other comments must have hit a nerve.</i><br /><br />First I wish to echo the most recent anon in challenging Lynne's assertion that "thank you" implicitly agrees with a compliment.<br /><br />In my usage "thank you" is less likely to show appreciation or agreement, than to show mere acknowledgement. <br /><br />As such it is polite to acknowledge a compliment, and far from being modest, deflection which does not acknowledge the person giving the compliment is a rude, unfriendly, condescension, and is more properly false modesty. <br /><br />Second I consider myself stingy in giving compliments. I temper this by being generous with "thank you" even if I am ambivalent or even irritated by the favor, advice or compliment. Conceptualizing "thank you" as acknowledgement allows this whereas I'd hardly say thank you at all if I reserved the expression for feelings of true gratitude.(I also complement my dearth of compliments with a lack of insults which avoids my being seen as quite so rude.)<br /><br />(Incidentally, I am faintly amused to see complement used repeatedly here where compliment seems to have been intended.)<br /><br />Third, the reason I mentioned introversion in my byline is because I believe personality and temperament can have more to do with the use and perception of compliments than culture does.<br /><br />Of course, individual temperament and culture are interconnected, but there is typically more variance within a culture than cross-culturally.<br /><br />Fourth, regarding superlatives, comparatives, and other adjectives which connote scale they can suffer the same bleaching from overuse as any interjection or curse. This is one reason why each generation will create or revive numerous words that mean very. They all are used so frequently that they quickly are bleached of their intensity, as well as escape the confines of the in-group which created them.<br /><br />Of the four examples of over-the top discussed in these comments:<br /><br />"You look great",<br />"You're so intelligent",<br />"You play the guitar so beautifully",<br />"You're the best employee we have",<br /><br />The first is the least exuberant. I am biased by my exposure to the American bleaching of great, but there's another reason I find it more acceptable.<br /><br />The middle pair of compliments contain the intensifier so, and the last the true superlative best.<br /><br />Words being bleached of their intensity is something I find annoying, since I personally am more prone to understatement.<br /><br />We do seem adept however at finding or coining replacements, so bleaching isn't the problem for the health of the language it's often portrayed to be, and like soil bereft of nutrients, once a word has gone fallow for a time it's ripe for rediscovery.<br /><br />Final thought:<br /><br />I am wary (possibly overly so) of attempting to compliment someone but failing because I have imposed my value systems onto them.<br /><br />For example,as a self described geek I might use the term with affection towards someone else, but if that person still ascribes a stigma to all thinks geeky, they would not appreciate the association.<br /><br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02138260302522477243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-40648698852691570202012-01-01T04:53:25.287+00:002012-01-01T04:53:25.287+00:00I found this blog while trying to figure out an ev...I found this blog while trying to figure out an event that occurred this evening. My friend and I went to our favorite Indian restaurant--we've been going there for decades and the "new" owners know me so well I no longer have to mention "mild, no cilantro"--they just know.<br /><br />I'm a weaver, and textile structures and color fascinate me. After paying the bill, I noticed the beautiful jacquard scarf worn by one of the restaurant's young owners who was on her way out. "Ooooh!" I said, as I reached out to examine it.<br /><br />Before I had time to finish saying "What a lovely scarf", she'd already removed it and given it to me with a huge smile.<br /><br />She wouldn't take it back, and said "Oh, we just got back from India, I have many more at home. It's yours!"<br /><br />Well, I was just plain gobsmacked, and thanked her for it, feeling an odd mixture of having been extremely blessed along with a bit of guilt ("what if she just gave me her favorite scarf?").<br /><br />On the way home, my friend mentioned it's a cultural thing that if you admire it, they have to give it to you. I'd never heard this before, and it has me so confused I've been online for the past hour researching Indian social customs trying to figure out the appropriate response or exchange or what this all means! <br /><br />It's true, here in America, "Oh, what a lovely scarf" is usually no more than "I'm reacting pleasantly to your sense of aesthetics" with a bit of "and where can I get one myself" or in my case, being a weaver, "can I examine the weave structure please for inspiration". I will certainly watch myself around this dear girl lest I wind up with half her wardrobe, LOL!<br /><br />Any further insights into this would be greatly appreciated!Jeannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02206342024283098691noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-10536181876431515412011-09-12T05:42:10.662+01:002011-09-12T05:42:10.662+01:00Very old post, but nevertheless I'm surprised ...Very old post, but nevertheless I'm surprised no one's really addressed the fact that American compliments are often veiled questions. By far the most common form of compliments from strangers are on physical things (clothes, handbag, shoes, jewelry, haircut) and it seems that there's usually an unstated second meaning: "I really like your shoes [where did you get them?]"<br /><br />Responding to a compliment with where you got the item could be a deflection or providing info the speaker wants. I'm a seamstress, and I've found I get a lot more compliments when I'm wearing something I've made that's a bit unusual or retro. I've always assumed some of the increase is attributable to people with similar taste who like the item, and are obliquely asking where they might go to find that style of dress.<br /><br />I answer compliments on clothes/shoes with "thanks"; I don't feel like it's egotistical to acknowledge a shared taste. If directly asked where I got something I made I feel awkward since it does feel like bragging to say I made it. I hadn't ever really thought about the American style of compliments, but the way you frame it makes sense. I'm completely comfortable with casual compliments that establish something shared between us, but uncomfortable with compliments that speak to a skill or achievement of mine unless I'm on an equal or inferior footing to the speaker with regard to that skill/achievement.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-27573460056609995522011-09-09T21:27:50.344+01:002011-09-09T21:27:50.344+01:00Kate Fox deals with the English tendency to downpl...Kate Fox deals with the English tendency to downplay one's child's achievements (etc.) in her book Watching the English. Highly, highly recommended.lynneguisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10171345732985610861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-7885221603755380262011-09-09T12:37:45.354+01:002011-09-09T12:37:45.354+01:00I'm British, with an American family. My own p...I'm British, with an American family. My own problem in this vein is not the compliments (either given or received), it's the (perceived by me) bragging about children. Americans like to tell people how great their own children are and announce to everyone how proud they are of them. They gush over them and tell little ones they are adorable and older ones they are beautiful and can do anything. All this grates on my English ears. I am sure my daughters feel deprived, but I can't bring myself to say these things. To me, since my children are a reflection of myself, to say anything other than "Sara did really well in her performance" or "Amy looked quite nice in her prom dress" would be boasting. I had often thought this was due only to my upbringing, and that it's not nice to boast, brag or show off (and being that way will soon lose you friends in the British culture), so I avoid it at all costs. I suppose it is a cultural thing after all. I should get my American friends to read this blog!Janhttp://twitter.com/janibachnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-20925226670769465622010-08-07T09:35:10.473+01:002010-08-07T09:35:10.473+01:00If a Chinese person says to me 'You're so ...If a Chinese person says to me 'You're so white!', I just say 'It's because I'm a white man' :)JosephKhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10351663532845141243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-14909351080893086352009-04-22T09:55:00.000+01:002009-04-22T09:55:00.000+01:00Thanks for some really good observations, Judy!Thanks for some really good observations, Judy!lynneguisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10171345732985610861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-50642600862784641542009-04-22T09:32:00.000+01:002009-04-22T09:32:00.000+01:00Okay, I realise I am really, really late, but I ju...Okay, I realise I am really, really late, but I just wanted to add a quick comment.<br /><br />I am German, but I have worked with people from the US. Americans sometimes come across as insincere because of the different subtext attached to compliments.<br /><br />If I meet an American colleague the first time and she is incredibly friendly (complimenting my skirt, my abilities, ...), I feel very flattered and I think something along the lines of "Wow. I must have really impressed her." I also think she wants to be my friend. After all, she was interested to hear how I was, she told me she liked my clothes and that I did a great job. For a German, the subtext here is definitely "I like you as a person". Why else would she care about how I was doing or compliment on my clothes?<br /><br />The thing is, three days later I realise my colleague is just as enthusiastic about a everything and everyone. I also notice that she is not actually that interested in my personal drama. And I feel let down. I thought she wanted to be my friend, but now I feel she is really insincere when she keeps complimenting me! <br /><br />So, when Germans say "Americans are insincere" we don't actually mean the compliment itself, but the relationship subtext. I believe a person saying that she likes my skirt that she likes my skirt. The hard part is to separate that from the different relationship subtext.<br /><br />I also believe that explains the different frequency of compliments. If the American subtext is "being friendly" there are just a lot more opportunities to compliment than in a German context where you are basically saying "I think you are a truly nice person" with every compliment. (And it explains why it seems weird to have virtual strangers complimenting you - after all, they don't know you, so how could they compliment).judynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-14754355877391051452009-01-09T19:20:00.000+00:002009-01-09T19:20:00.000+00:00A (very) delayed comment but having read the entir...A (very) delayed comment but having read the entire thread I feel I've earnt it :)<BR/><BR/><BR/>Just to say in reference to Taraza and bill's gf: To a Brit if some random person comes up to you and expresses their 'love' of your shoes we react as follows..<BR/><BR/>1. Acknowledge compliment politely while moving slighly away to establish visually if they a) drunk, b) not all there, or c) american<BR/><BR/>2. Feel pleased, but then a splitsecond later ask yourself how much worth I can put on the judgement of some random stranger who might actually have really bad taste.<BR/><BR/>3. Wonder why they think it's important for me to know that they alone out of all the crowd love my shoes.<BR/><BR/>4. Most importantly, your compliment is redundant as it's hardly a revelation to me. I mean, I wouldn't have bought the shoes in the first place if I too didn't think they were the dog's bllcks<BR/><BR/>5. Get over myself, and realise they were just trying to be nice, and in fact said complimenter is quite nice looking and her nice smile and enthusiasm for life might be good for me.<BR/><BR/>..<BR/><BR/>104. Marry them.<BR/><BR/>(True story. I quite like yanks now :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-61590541071078237222008-09-10T20:51:00.000+01:002008-09-10T20:51:00.000+01:00This is also a fascinating subject for a (former) ...This is also a fascinating subject for a (former) U.S. expat in China. <BR/><BR/>If you've studied or have lived in China, you know that Chinese people are also effusive in compliment giving, but tend to give self-disparaging replies.<BR/><BR/>The most common traditional answer is "Nali, Nali", which literally means "Where, where?", but which I would translate more like "You're too kind". <BR/><BR/>However, just as that answer is seen as probably too formal/outdated in many (U.S.) circles, that's old-fashioned to most of my generation (twenty-something) in China. "Thank you" is seen as a bit conceited, though. I tended to solve this problem by doing the "Oh, I bought it at..." deflection. <BR/><BR/>But none of this told me what to say when the compliment was "Your skin is so white!" (Chinese girls don't like to get a tan.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-10534715461214740272008-07-26T20:23:00.000+01:002008-07-26T20:23:00.000+01:00I'm a bit late on commenting on this, but had some...I'm a bit late on commenting on this, but had something to add to anne t.'s comment above. I am half English and half Canadian, and grew up on both sides of the pond in both BrE and CanE environments. My father and paternal grandmother are more Canadian, and would tend to be prolific and effusive with compliments, which I found rather meaningless - the overuse cheapened them, and they were very easy for me to dismiss. On the other hand, the grandest praise I ever remember receiving from my maternal grandmother (who was very English) was that I had 'quite a nice face, really' - and it stands as one of the best compliments I've ever had, and continue to hold it dear.ellahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13036209994244477176noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-76822735203959814952008-07-21T17:25:00.000+01:002008-07-21T17:25:00.000+01:00Malimar's comment put me in mind of my mother's be...Malimar's comment put me in mind of my mother's belief in the importance of telling children that they are beautiful, particularly one's own children. One of her friends whose daughter is one of my friends, did not do this, and my mother had noticed this and disapproved. I did not feel particularly beautiful as a teenager and was annoyed by these statements by my mother and aunt. It seemed to me to be confining or restricting. It seemed to me to be saying, "beauty is highly important", which I resented. <BR/><BR/>I also have an older sister who I sensed my mother REALLY thought was beautiful - and who I looked up to a great deal and thought was beautiful as well -and so with something of sibling territorialism, concluded that she was the beautiful one and that this left other areas open for me to excell in. I was okay with not being beautiful and my mother and aunt's comments just made it more difficult to accept and ignore. As a typical ungracious teenager - I would have wanted to say, "whatever, keep your opinions to yourself, please." Perhaps this experience has made me wary of most compliments though now I would just accept them quietly, with a thanks and move on. Maybe if my mother had felt strongly about the importance of complimenting children more generally on traits or behavior that deserved it, I would have been less cynical. And I guess this is more of what I am trying to do with my own children or with children in general - to observe traits or behavior that is admirable that you can notice and perhaps bring to their attention. (Or bring your attention to their attention?) These often start as "I like the way you did that" though I have on occasion said something, too, like, "Och, what a beautiful boy" when I am admiring their beauty. <BR/><BR/>Having said all this, however, I am sure to tell people they look great if I think so. Other women. And I've begun to compliment my husband more - which means that when I notice that I am admiring him or that he looks good to me, I am making more of an effort to tell him so. <BR/> <BR/>One of the best things that I feel was ever said to me about me was while I was traveling and someone I hung out with a fair amount, a South African, as it were, exclaimed, "You're so unpretentious!"Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-6739240946017914702008-07-10T02:57:00.000+01:002008-07-10T02:57:00.000+01:00The word "beautiful" has been mentioned a number o...The word "beautiful" has been mentioned a number of times in this conversation, and it brings an anecdote to my mind. Though I am an American, I have a reputation among my friends and acquaintances of being very stingy with compliments. That is, I will not give compliments unless I really feel it is deserved. One of the words that I am most stingy about is "beautiful" - there are only a handful of things that I can honestly say I would describe as beautiful, mostly certain kinds of sunsets. I will occasionally use the condescending phrase "conventionally beautiful", but but only to describe the sort of woman that most people would describe as "beautiful" but who I would say barely qualify as "pretty" - supermodels and actresses, for example.<BR/>Once, when I was at college (at SUNY Geneseo), several large wall mirrors in my dorm hall acquired a mysterious message: "YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL", scrawled in huge letters in some sort of marker. This may be a good example of the "self-esteem" thing that is such a big deal in American schools, and which is probably related in some way to the American tendency to be freer with their compliments.<BR/>Anyway, I actually found that "YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL" message offensive on a deeply personal level. It couldn't be anything other than false and insincere: it was broadcast to everyone who happened to read it, without regard to whether they actually deserved it or not. Used in that manner, it doesn't even seem to be a compliment at all, all it's saying is that whoever wrote it has very low standards in terms of beauty, if they're willing to apply the term without even seeing what they're applying it to.<BR/>Could this sort of thing be a contributor to the British perception of American insincerity?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-2246647189533048642008-07-06T15:41:00.000+01:002008-07-06T15:41:00.000+01:00Correction: "insecure" in the parenthesis in the s...Correction: "insecure" in the parenthesis in the second sentence should have read "insincere"Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-32322013133379650122008-07-06T15:37:00.000+01:002008-07-06T15:37:00.000+01:00As a BrE speaker, I'm surprised that no-one has lo...As a BrE speaker, I'm surprised that no-one has looked at this subject from the other side: namely those who expect compliments but maybe don't get the level of appreciation they expect. I work as a photographer and come across many "creatives", especially models, for whom the routine (and therefore probably insecure) compliment is de rigeur. That said, I feel entirely at ease using some relatively personal compliments to complete strangers in such circumstances as social lubricants, although possibly "ego-massaging" might be a better description. Much as James remarked above about musicians, this behavio(u)r assumes that the recipient of a compliment has to be treated to some superlative compliment for it to have any value. Picture the scene: a model has come into the studio wearing a designer gown after an hour with a make-up artist. To say "You look nice" would not be excused as understatement; the very least that would be acceptable is something like "Wow, you look absolutely amazing" (note here that a compliment about the dress, jewellery etc is <B>not</B> appropriate!)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-21470483051017905212008-06-29T20:51:00.000+01:002008-06-29T20:51:00.000+01:00Yes, brilliant sounds OTT to American ears, but it...Yes, brilliant sounds OTT to American ears, but it's still much better than "it's the bomb" or, even worse, "it's dope," both of which are heard far too frequently here in L.A. Although to be fair, they're usually said by people young enough not to know better. Don't think I ever heard any equivalently awful adjectives when I lived in the U.K., but there must be some. When I was there, everything was just brilliant.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-7066588378198953342008-06-26T15:45:00.000+01:002008-06-26T15:45:00.000+01:00'Awesome' sounds odd to an educated UK speaker bec...'Awesome' sounds odd to an educated UK speaker because our word is 'awe-inspiring' which is more awkward to say. We would tend to say 'awesome' ironically or in a fake American accent because we can't believe it's a real word!<BR/><BR/>During the 20th century, UK usage for 'good' went something like this: ripping, wizard, cool, super, fabulous, great, brilliant (brill) and cool again. Most of these are nonsense usages but the problem with 'great' and 'brilliant' is that they can be used authentically - in an obituary for a brilliant mathematician or a review of a great musician, for example, and there is a sense in which the words have been devalued by their colloquial use. No-one could use 'groovy' in an obituary, however....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com