tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post7479254588559877660..comments2024-03-16T00:21:43.240+00:00Comments on Separated by a Common Language: partnerlynneguisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10171345732985610861noreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-52436626278753626662023-04-23T04:04:54.897+01:002023-04-23T04:04:54.897+01:00Interesting how things change over time. Nowadays ...Interesting how things change over time. Nowadays I hear "partner" used all the time for heterosexual relationships in the U.S., though I can corroborate that this wasn't the case when this article was written.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-44249089456671115372019-02-26T11:38:57.040+00:002019-02-26T11:38:57.040+00:00I doubt if anybody here in Australia uses the word...I doubt if anybody here in Australia uses the word "partner" for his/her lawfully wedded wife or husband, and to do so to others would be highly offensive; it would imply either that they weren't really married, or that you consider it doesn't matter.<br />On the other hand, couples who are merely cohabiting don't normally take offense if you mistake them for a married couple.Malcolm Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00672612354161787023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-74445234559009286882015-08-07T14:28:47.582+01:002015-08-07T14:28:47.582+01:00I don't think anybody has pointed out that par...I don't think anybody has pointed out that <b>partner</b> is also a legal term in Britain —not just a way of avoiding saying something else.<br /><br />Already when you were all posting in 2008, the legal term for a union of two men or two women was <b>civil partnership</b> and the only official word to describe one member of that using was <b>civil partner</b> — corresponding to <b>spouse</b> in a marriage.<br /><br />Now that <b>equal marriage</b> is established, it's increasingly common to hear a man speak of his <b>husband</b> and a woman of her <b>wife</b>. (I've yet to hear third person reference — <i>John and his husband, Jane and her wife</i> — but it must be in the pipeline.)David Crosbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01858358459416955921noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-34396806170563799602015-08-07T00:27:09.248+01:002015-08-07T00:27:09.248+01:00The word partner feels far too cold for such relat...The word partner feels far too cold for such relationships to me. And I actually like boyfriend and girlfriend, because they have a cute, soft sound. If those aren't suited to your tastes I would rather hear lover.Sean Fearnleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15511353147572935011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-28501023833660125102014-09-28T18:53:47.633+01:002014-09-28T18:53:47.633+01:00A late comment is late, but as a bisexual person (...A late comment is late, but as a bisexual person (ostensibly part of that GLBT acronym ff6m used) who spent 10 years in a committed relationship with another bi-tending person--although we also happened to be opposite genders--eff that 'breeder' nonsense.<br /><br />Boyfriend/girlfriend imply a lot more casual relationship. Husband/wife imply marriage (and as we lived in Colorado, just using the terminology pushes you closer to common-law marriage whether you like it or not). Just because two people look "straight" to you doesn't mean they are (let me also note that trans people are also theoretically in that GLBT acronym, so just because a couple looks "straight" to you doesn't mean they're seen as such in the eyes of the law, or permitted to marry legally, depending on state law).<br /><br />So pardon me if I'm not all that concerned that someone other than cissexual gay and lesbian couples might use the perfectly logical if somewhat clinical term "partner" to refer to a committed, long-term, but not legally sanctified relationship.<br /><br />But I guess my aversion to the monosexuals who talk about GLBT and constantly forget the B and the T (and a lot of other sexual and gender minorities) is a personal problem, too...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-48875721566300456652011-03-18T04:42:48.206+00:002011-03-18T04:42:48.206+00:00I don't like "partner", simply becau...I don't like "partner", simply because it's confusing. At a recent business party a man introduced another man as his "partner". Without actually asking outright, it took a few minutes of listening to understand that they were in business together, not in a sexual relationship.<br />To me, one's partner is someone with whom one is in business, in the same firm or practice or is paired up in some other way, eg police officers. It doesn't imply anything else.<br />I was going out with a dentist and rang her office. The receptionist was very unpleasant. I later mentioned this to the dentist. She replied, "Yes, I know. But what can I do. She's screwing my partner." In this case the meaning was clear. Her "partner" was the man with whom she shared the dental practice. The one who shared the other things was me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-34589383179915406902009-06-17T09:23:32.357+01:002009-06-17T09:23:32.357+01:00It actually kind of bothers me that the breeders [...It actually kind of bothers me that the breeders [here in the US] are starting to use the term partner. GLBT people are not widely accepted enough to have our lingo taken away from us yet. I feel secure in understanding the word partner as "same-sex lover," because I know that that person is someone I can generally trust if they use the term. Actually, I very, very rarely hear the term applied to an opposite-sex relationship - and I live in a rather liberal state. I don't really like the term applied to same-sex relationships because it sounds so business-like, but the gay connotation it has makes me more comfortable with it when I hear it, so it is better than nothing and there really isn't an as-distinctive option.<br /><br />On a side note, I hate that people still use the term [and practice the ritual (for lack of a better word) of having/being a] fiancee. What does that mean? You're getting married, at some point? It bothers me because people often use the term for years before the marriage actually occurs. I think the term should only be used when a date is set and it is actually going to happen. Too many people (especially people my age - around 18-25) use it so loosely. It often simply says "I am ridiculously obsessed with my boyfriend/girlfriend for the time being!!!!!!!" - and they end up breaking up after dating for three months or so.<br /><br />Back to the partner issue, I think that even if we legalized same-sex marriage and I were to marry a man, I would still use the term "partner" because I don't want to use a breeder label ("husband/wife"). ...But I do realize that my aversion to the straights is my own personal issue.ff6mnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-23794405167845845042008-10-31T07:25:00.000+00:002008-10-31T07:25:00.000+00:00I'm Canadian, and find "partner" to be a neutral t...I'm Canadian, and find "partner" to be a neutral term. It's a little like the way giving your title as "Ms." doesn't give away whether you are married are not. You can refer to someone else in your life and not give away whether you're gay, straight or married.Aviatrixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13634111275860140084noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-44865744078381099992008-10-02T20:39:00.000+01:002008-10-02T20:39:00.000+01:00I've only recently started to use partner, and it ...I've only recently started to use <I>partner</I>, and it was (at least I think it was) a conscious decision to. Graduating and looking to embark on a career, I didn't want to explain my move to the area as 'to be with my boyfriend'. I am young, so I made the change in order to try and be taken seriously. At first, even as BrE speaker, it did feel a little unnatural, but now it does come quite easily to me. I do think the fact we've now moved in together does cement things, and to call him my <I>boyfriend</I> does sound a bit like I'm fourteen again. <BR/><BR/>Not having a fiance or a hubby, and with boyfriend sounding immature, I suppose all I've got left is partner. Or The Bloke.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-82931481376500356372008-09-29T02:39:00.000+01:002008-09-29T02:39:00.000+01:00Seriously, we need a new word. I can understand th...Seriously, we need a new word. I can understand that boyfriend/girlfriend is too juvenile, and husband/wife may have uncomfortable overtones for some, but it really can get confusing. Case in point: I recently had cause to interview a number of architectural firms for a prospective house build. The principals of one such firm consisted of two men who were clearly both gay, but when one introduced the other as his "partner", I was at a loss as to the nature of their relationship - business, personal or both. On a related note, some years back I was coming through customs at LAX from Sydney, and I watched with amusement as the (not married) Australian couple in front of me tried - unsuccessfully - to explain the "de-facto" concept to the customs official as the basis of why they were both standing at the counter together rather than one at a time(!)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-15781753738845285452008-09-17T23:38:00.000+01:002008-09-17T23:38:00.000+01:00I heard the term "convivant" a while back on A Way...I heard the term "convivant" a while back on <I>A Way With Words</I> and thought it was fairly apt.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-52126092927520513302008-09-16T22:39:00.000+01:002008-09-16T22:39:00.000+01:00I'm British and I've always thought partner sounde...I'm British and I've always thought partner sounded a bit formal and pompous. I tend to refer to my significant other as "the other half" and he calls me "the missus". <BR/><BR/>But some interesting distinctions raised here...Boakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17657725007230709027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-56667890606513598522008-09-15T10:28:00.000+01:002008-09-15T10:28:00.000+01:00Glad to see a couple of people (bill and preceding...Glad to see a couple of people (bill and preceding Anonymous) mentioning the difference between US and non-US attitudes to marriage. I was thinking the same thing. "Partner" is something you say if you're not married, and I've always had the very strong impression that in the US, people seem to marry as soon as the relationship becomes serious enough (if not before!); elsewhere, that step seems a lot more optional. So in the States, the only people who would normally need the term "partner" are people not permitted by law to marry, i.e. same-sex couples.<BR/><BR/>This difference in attitudes might also be why gay activists in the USA seem to be somewhat more passionate about the issue of marriage equality than their counterparts the UK or Australia (where many are content with civil unions or even "de facto" status).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-44731611547377559112008-09-14T20:19:00.000+01:002008-09-14T20:19:00.000+01:00I used 'out-law' to refer to my current in-laws be...I used 'out-law' to refer to my current in-laws before BH and I were married--but I had to explain it every time I said it.lynneguisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10171345732985610861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-87659591727293048602008-09-14T11:05:00.000+01:002008-09-14T11:05:00.000+01:00as a business librarian (US) O've alwats chafed at...as a business librarian (US) O've alwats chafed at "partber" for personal relationships, but. In my circle it's used more for gay couples, though not exclusively.<BR/><BR/>But I'm intrigued with the reader using "outlaws", which is the jokey way my wife's brothers' wives and I refer collectively to ourselves and our families in relationship to my wife's family.Roger Owen Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05298172138307632062noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-20691210515087129892008-09-11T22:09:00.000+01:002008-09-11T22:09:00.000+01:00We had the opposite problem in the UK (to the one ...We had the opposite problem in the UK (to the one Doug mentions) - because people talk about 'common law' husbands or wives, they thought there was some legal status to long-term live-in partners, when in fact there is none, and no such thing legally as a common law spouse.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-77154514893011802782008-09-11T19:56:00.000+01:002008-09-11T19:56:00.000+01:00Since there have been comments like, "I just say '...Since there have been comments like, "I just say 'husband'", it might be worthwhile to mention that it is well to be careful where you do that. In places where common-law marriage is recognized, that might be sufficient to create a marriage in law.<BR/><BR/>Actual requirements vary by jurisdiction. For an example of the law in such a jurisdiction, see <A HREF="http://www.ago.state.co.us/FAQ/CLM_FAQ.cfm.html" REL="nofollow">this page at the Colorado Attorney General's site</A>.<BR/><BR/>Caveat: I'm not a lawyer; talk to a lawyer if you want a legal opinion that you can rely on.Doug Sundsethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01848091504066560951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-90405505712837649202008-09-11T16:49:00.000+01:002008-09-11T16:49:00.000+01:00flatlander, you reminded me that my mother used to...flatlander, you reminded me that my mother used to refer to relatives' unmarried partners as "the outlaws" (to contrast with "in-laws"), or occasionally things like "the nephew-out-law." I think she gave it up because my brother's partners have never been the kind of women to find that funny.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-73775785992857750192008-09-11T14:41:00.000+01:002008-09-11T14:41:00.000+01:00I think that Anonymous has something there. I fir...I think that Anonymous has something there. I first got a hint of the different standards for "shacking up" while watching the final season of Coupling. Steve and Susan decided to have a baby, while still not married. That sort of plotline would never fly over here. If the baby were not planned, that is one thing...but to plan to have a baby while out of wedlock would be pretty taboo over here still.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-12177034841182140702008-09-11T04:01:00.000+01:002008-09-11T04:01:00.000+01:00In my experience (Californian), "partner" is used ...In my experience (Californian), "partner" is used more on the gay side than on the straight side. <BR/><BR/>My impression is that the default American mindset is "boy-/girlfriend" becomes "fiance(e)" becomes "husband/wife." As the last two categories were legally forbidden to same-sex couples, that left only "boy-/girlfriend", but their connotation was too lightweight, too temporary, for long-term, serious relationships. "Partner" emerged as an alternative.<BR/><BR/>Fortunately, here in California, people who have been together for decades are finally, legally, becoming husbands and wives.<BR/><BR/>However, "partner" is becoming more common for any-sex non-married couples. I wonder whether the UK/US differences have to do with the social acceptability of shacking up together. The shift from "boy-/girlfriend" to "partner" is a public declaration that we're not just romantically interested, but we're living together without the benefit of marriage. I get the impression that the UK is not as prudish as we in the US are; could that explain greater UK use of partner for opposite-sex couples?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-16794619071588766372008-09-11T01:30:00.000+01:002008-09-11T01:30:00.000+01:00Someone mentioned the term "de facto", which I've ...Someone mentioned the term "de facto", which I've used a lot (in Aus), and is widely understood here. It's an odd term, though and I use it less now. After 22 years I still don't quite know how to refer to him. Sometimes, usually with tradespeople and strangers, I just say "husband".<BR/><BR/>I found it interesting that when my daughter started school I discovered that among her new friends, only one set of parents were married. And that took a few years to discover; I guess it's not a big deal anymore.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-60058517183082318472008-09-10T21:34:00.000+01:002008-09-10T21:34:00.000+01:00I heard someone refer to her "partner" back in 200...I heard someone refer to her "partner" back in 2000 and I assumed she meant a woman (otherwise she would have said "boyfriend", right?) for quite some time. But then I met him and it was a him after all. She was from Vermont.<BR/><BR/>But now I hear it more and more from my fellow Canadians. It <I>is</I> ridiculous for a 40 year old to refer to the person he/she has been sharing his/her life with for the last 10 years as a boyfriend/girlfriend. The French terms (Canadian French, that is) are even more ridiculous: mon chum, ma blonde. However, conjoint(e) can refer to a spouse whether legal or not.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-56917918353825416942008-09-10T19:30:00.000+01:002008-09-10T19:30:00.000+01:00When I was working at a university, one of the dea...When I was working at a university, one of the dean's there (female) referred to her 'partner' who was getting ready to head off to Iraq. I assumed she was gay as in Seattle the term is used, most often than not, for homosexual relationships. Turns out her partner is male. I never asked. I found out because she told me an amusing story of how her students all thought she was a lesbian because she was in the military and she referred to her 'partner' instead of her boyfriend or fiance'. She said that where she is from (Virginia?) the term 'partner' was common for a heterosexual relationship that was committed. So maybe in the US, it can be regional term.cheri wilkehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01291790324563635607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-4610610176241221582008-09-09T21:07:00.000+01:002008-09-09T21:07:00.000+01:00When I (AmE) was little my uncle had a live-in non...When I (AmE) was little my uncle had a live-in non-wife whom my mother (orig. from Texas) always referred to as his "partner", presumably to shield us young 'uns from the truth of her brother's iniquitous liaison. For ages I thought they were in business together and found it odd that they only had one bedroom.<BR/><BR/>Does BrE use "babydaddy" and "babymama" to refer to relationships that are partnerships in only the procreative sense?flatlanderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14711270206823934186noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28787909.post-73824346409150434552008-09-09T16:53:00.000+01:002008-09-09T16:53:00.000+01:00Thanks for looking up the OED reference. I feel t...Thanks for looking up the OED reference. I feel that the use of the "of my life", etc. qualifiers indicates that the word on its own still has the sense of "partner in some activity". When the activity is life, then the partner is indeed the spouse. But the citations show how the word approaches its modern meaning little by little (!)<BR/><BR/>RobinRobinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09100508988636577299noreply@blogger.com