A few days ago I was heard to tweet:
What's more fun than taking a spare book to the (BrE) charity shop? Having strangers attempt to amuse me in an effort to win a free book, that's what.
I've had a competition before where I asked for limericks on the subject of British/American linguistic differences. You can't beat a rhyme. But that was seven years ago, so I think I can dare to almost repeat myself.
For a chance to win a copy of the paperback edition of Kamm's book, please write a humorous poem on the topic of American/British differences/miscommunication.
If you already have a copy of the book, but are good at writing poems, do feel free to enter. It can be you who takes the book to the charity shop. :)
You can thus tell how sensible I find Oliver Kamm on the matter, since I seem to have accidentally bought two copies of his Accidence will happen: the non-pedantic guide to English. (No publishers' freebies here. Just a poorly organi{s/z}ed bookcase and an eagerness to support my local independent (BrE) bookshop/(AmE) bookstore.)Reading a lot of genl-audience books re language these days. My rule: buy the books by sensible ppl, borrow the icky ones from library. 1/— Lynne Murphy (@lynneguist) 26 August 2016
What's more fun than taking a spare book to the (BrE) charity shop? Having strangers attempt to amuse me in an effort to win a free book, that's what.
I've had a competition before where I asked for limericks on the subject of British/American linguistic differences. You can't beat a rhyme. But that was seven years ago, so I think I can dare to almost repeat myself.
For a chance to win a copy of the paperback edition of Kamm's book, please write a humorous poem on the topic of American/British differences/miscommunication.
Rules of the contest
- Entries may be submitted as comments on this blogpost. Poems received by other means will not be considered.
- Poems should be no longer than 15 lines. (To repeat what I constantly say to my students: that is a limit, not a goal. I'd rather read 5 good lines on their own than 12 lines with 5 good ones within.)
- Be funny, but don't be mean.
- No plagiarism.
- The differences don't have to be strictly linguistic, but considering who the judge is, you might be well advised to address communication in some way.
- Please sign your work (whatever handle you use on the internet is fine; I just want to avoid confusing seven Anonymouses).
- Please don't give other personal details (address, etc.) with your poem in the comments, but do check the blog in mid-September to see who's won, as I'll have to have you (orig. AmE in this sense) contact me in order to arrange (for) delivery of the book.
- Deadline for submission: 12 September 2016.
If you already have a copy of the book, but are good at writing poems, do feel free to enter. It can be you who takes the book to the charity shop. :)
A talented young chef called Jeannie,
ReplyDeleteJust loves to cook fettuccine,
But she often forgets
To buy the courgettes,
So she replaces them with some zucchini.
(Mike Hatton)
Re-reading these later, and want to give you a badge for this, Mike. *badge* :)
DeleteThanks for breaking the ice, Mike!
ReplyDeleteTorch by Moira Dunphy
ReplyDeleteWhen I was young I loved to dive
Into the world of the Famous Five
“Torch”, I’d whisper
“Lift”, I’d repeat,
Wanting bonnets to wear
And crisps to eat.
My heart would pound!
They were far too brave!
Were they crazy going into that gloomy cave?!
And even though in the illustration
A flashlight was used for illumination,
In my mind I saw crackling flames that scorch
Each time I read that lovely word “Torch”.
I once knew a girl who said colour
ReplyDeleteis not the same thing as color
What a colourful girl in a colorful world
I'm sure glad it's not spelled cull-her!
-@TomorrowsPoetry(Elliot Goldman)
There was steak-and-kidney pudding; there were crumpets served at tea,
ReplyDeleteWith scones and jam and clotted cream, a real feast for me.
But tea came hot, and served with milk, and often very strong.
And they’ve put corn on the pizza, and I think that that’s just wrong!
We had biscuits, sausage gravy, and our steak was chicken-fried;
And I even tried fried catfish, with a muffin on the side.
But jelly with the salads? Cornbread sweeter than a cake?
Tea served cold and with no milk in, there’s surely some mistake!
We eat courgette or zucchini, and our corn is sweet or not,
Our babies sleep in bassinets, or maybe in a cot.
However we may differ, though, there’s one thing stays the same:
Our love of words and languages – and what is in a name!
ReplyDeleteShe fumbled inside her fanny pack:
A bum bag, while looking for a snack.
She offered me candy: quite a treat.
I reciprocated with a sweet.
'I’m Randy’, she said: voice, loud and slow.
‘George’, I replied: embarrassed, ‘Hello’.
The cabin staff brought round a trolley:
A cart, from which she chose a lolly,
‘Gimme a popsicle and a coke’
The steward, an unassuming bloke,
‘Is it to drink now or take-away’?
She stood there, bemused: what could I say?
So, was she Randy? I’ll never know
As she and her drink were both ‘to-go’.
Christopher, I like that.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't come up with something that qualifies as a poem, but I wrote some doggerel (I have a T-shirt that reads, "Bad poetry—Oh noetry"). Folks, this is a joke, so please don't post replies telling me that the UK doesn't have a president. I won't listen anyway. ;-)
The English sound sophisticated
Flattered when they're imitated
So I call them bloody wankers fond of buggery
Like us they have a government
(except their queen and president)
So Englishmen are honorary Yanks
(signed) An American
Our language is contaminated
By those Yankee addle-pated
Blighters who can't even brew a decent pot of tea
They think they own their continent
Their movies deserve banishment
Allow their culture on our shores? No thanks!
(signed) A loyal subject
Lingua Franca
ReplyDeleteOur cousins from over the pond,
Linguistically sharing a bond,
Help make our own lingo
(Near as dammit, by Jingo!)
Be common amongst tout le monde.
In suspenders and pants and a vest,
ReplyDeleteLooking nerdy - but smart - I impressed.
In the States that was fine
But a Brit friend of mine
Thought me kinky and quite underdressed.
Perplexed in London by a trail of "Thanks"
ReplyDeleteMy cultural signifiers fill in the blanks.
I like Mrs Redboots' contribution, but would award the prize to MJ Simpson (especially as I speak BrE and therefore got the image of the person wandering around in their underwear... I had to do a bit of a search of the archives to confirm my guess that the AmE "vest" is what I would call a waistcoat).
ReplyDeleteOnce said a Brit,
ReplyDelete'You silly old twit,
You spelled 'humour' all wrong!'
The Yank said, 'Who, me?
But I spell in AmE.'
And that's the end of this song.
There once was a language called English,
ReplyDeleteIts differences many found squeamish,
The Americans changed it slightly,
All the British blamed them (politely),
And they never got along again.
The stuck-up British were so confused,
"Vocab! Accents? We're all quite bemused."
Then, they learnt each other's dialect,
And saw just how they would intersect,
They finally turned all happy and zen.
~ Katya
@_secretchord_
I too am a fan of MJ Simpson's entry.
ReplyDeleteBristols and Cobblers are rude,
ReplyDeleteRaspberry and Hampton are crude.
But they’re part of the slang which
Enriches our language,
And others are even more lewd.
I am stunned into silence by M J Simpson's Limerick, and the disturbing image that it conjures up!
ReplyDeleteSimon X is a worthy runner-up.
Isn't it interesting that they are both a bit risqué?
What happens when our languages collide?
ReplyDeleteWell, one evening, I was wandering through Penn Station
when some headphone-wearing, Starbucks-swilling lorry
of a man rolled up and barged into my side.
All brimming with Britannic indignation,
I stared him in the eye and snarled, "I'm sorry"-
but he chirruped, "That's OK",
and went blithely on his way.
I thought, "I'm ahead of the curve
ReplyDeleteIn learning to utter 'love', 'lurve'" --
But on aiming the word
At a fanciable bird
I got slapped in the face and called "perv"
While I really do not like to cadge,
ReplyDelete(And it's difficult here to imag-
Ine that you'll go so far)
But for je ne sais quoi,
Lynne, can I please have a badge?
Yes, of course: *badge*
DeleteYay! (Now I know how Mcdonalds employees feel when they get a star).
ReplyDelete